Category Archives: The Side Panel

As Long As There Are Victorino Gaffes, There Will Be Victorino GIFs

The $39 million man is worth every penny

With his move to Boston (and the AL), Shane Victorino has selfishly (praise Beltran) deprived Mets fans of his GIF-worthy antics.  I would have loved to have seen him in a Mets uniform, but I enjoy seeing things that make people’s heads explode.  Unfortunately, the Red Sox were far more desperate for a circus act after letting Bobby Valentine seek other employment, leading them to offer twice as much money as any sane person was expecting Victorino to get after a down season.  Instead of Citi Field, we will have to settle for Fenway as the backdrop for the next batch of Victorino GIFs.  And yes, there will be GIFs.  While we were waiting for the home run derby in Philadelphia to end, I got to work on this spectacular display of teamwork.

And to think, Boston fans have three years of this to look forward to!  Three years of spills, chills, mixups, and takedowns.  In a way, I envy them.  Sure, Jordany Valdespin has a knack for displays of momentary boneheadedness offset by occasional brilliance.  But Valdespin isn’t getting paid enough to guarantee regular playing time.  With Ellsbury in center, what could have been a disaster turns into a mere embarrassment.  But with Valdespin in his place?  You could sell tickets based on that alone.

There’s really no point to this beyond me not wanting to wait until next year’s GIF roundup to post this.  And come on, this is pure brilliance.  Victorino freezing in place as if to make himself invisible is what really sells this one.  He didn’t try to make the catch or go after the ball when it dropped.  He just curled up and disappeared.  He’s on to us, you see.  He knew the GIFs were coming and did his best to avoid making a scene.  Shane Victorino is a GIF magnet.  This is his blessing and his curse.  And we are all better off because of it.

Opening Day Graphics Warmup

GIFfin’ ain’t easy

After a long, dark winter and a (seemingly) longer spring training, it’s finally here. We finally get to see games that count with lineups loaded with backups and journeymen filling in for the injured and prospects held back to wait out the arbitration clock. Baseball’s back!

Yeah, these games might not matter that much if you’re a fan of a team that has its sights set on 2015. Or a payroll of $20,150,000 if you’re a fan of the Astros or Marlins. That doesn’t mean we can’t have fun, though you should really get warmed up before any game activity. Since most of us won’t be getting closer to a game than discussion threads on blogs, that means getting ready to jump in with appropriate imagery based on the situation. I’m never up on the latest memes, but I do have some handcrafted GIFs suitable for all occasions. While this is not the most comprehensive collection of baseball GIFs, they should play smoothly. Beyond that, I guarantee nothing.

Read on for many more.

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The Amazin’ Mites?

The Mets receive an unflattering Joe job

Over at Mets Police, they covered the The Amazing Spiderman and the Amazin’ Mets in honor of the new Amazing Spider-Man film.  Well, Spider-Man isn’t the only Marvel comic franchise that was supposed to have a movie opening this summer.  Until somebody noticed that 3D movies have higher ticket prices (even if the 3D is from a second-rate conversion), we were due to get the second installment of the “Does Channing Tatum really have to be in everything that Shia LaBeouf isn’t working on?” G.I. Joe movie franchise.  And as you might have guessed, G.I. Joe also has a Mets connection.

Back in the late ’80s, G.I. Joe comics were in high demand.  In search of more money (some things never change…), Marvel added a second Joe comic to the monthly rotation: G.I. Joe Special Missions.  The Special Missions series often featured standalone stories that were unrelated to the main comic storyline and/or documented events that were kept secret from the bulk of the Joe team.  Published toward the end of the 28-issue run in August 1989, G.I. Joe Special Missions #24 was a story that most fans wish had been kept secret from the public.  Titled “Ladies’ Day,” the issue takes place at a baseball game between “the World Champion New York Mites and their fierce cross-town rivals, the New York Dandees.”  The game is attended by the newly-elected President, setting up the preposterous action that follows.  Don’t try to make sense of the timing, this issue has much bigger problems.

I don’t know if they changed the team names because of rights issues or because of how terrible this issue is, but they kept the thinly-veiled Mary Sue fanfiction naming convention for the player names too.  The Mites lineup includes Wooky Millston, Seth Kernandez, and Darren Blueberry.  They don’t mention any of the Dandees, but we do see a uniform with the name (yeah, I know…) Beachum on the back, so I guess that would make him Mobby Beachum.  So who is responsible for these, um, creative names?  It’s not the comic’s usual (and, after 30 years, current) writer Larry Hama, who is known for crafting engaging stories that still hold up decades later.  No, the writing credit goes instead to Hama’s usual artist, Herb Trimpe.  And what happens when you let a comic book artist write?  Well, for starters, this:

Well, the intended audience is young boys…

We open a baseball game with leggy dancing girls griping about being objectified by assholes like whoever wrote this crap.  And what are the guys disguised as?  Batboys?  Hot dog vendors?  Nope, Cobra called dibs on those:

Exploding hot dogs. Exploding hot dogs…

The Joes, a (poorly-kept) secret military organization, were in full uniform standing next to their toys outside the stadium, where they are sure to be a lot of help.  Until Crystal Ball, one of Cobra’s hokiest gimmick characters, hypnotizes them by showing them his accessory disc thingy.

Nothing gets by these guys

Cobra’s ranks also include Raptor (the guy who dresses like a bird) and a Cobra Commander impostor in battle armor in addition to the aforementioned Firefly disguised as a hot dog vendor and Zarana dressed like a Mites ball girl.  Everybody gets a stupid costume!  Even the blimp got in on the fun.

What, no Yood Gear?

As for the action, um, there were some smoke bombs, some fighting in a blimp, the baseball-themed Joe pitching a smoke grenade that gets batted up to the blimp, and a Presidential rescue.  All of this would add up to a mediocre episode of the mediocre ’80s cartoon, but the comic series was held to a higher standard (at least as much as Hama could get away with it, selling toys was always the main reason for the comic’s existence).  Ladies’ Day is widely considered to be the worst issue of the original comic run and possibly the entire G.I. Joe franchise.  I usually enjoy having something from the Mets show up in my other collections, but this is one I could have done without.

Clearly this is predicting the reaction to this issue

#FIXTHEIKE

Mets Police Twitter campaign to neuter Ike Davis gains support

Ike Davis’s woes at the plate this year are the stuff of legend, presuming that we’re talking about legends that make us sad and worried.  Mets Police, coming off such successes as de-blacking the Mets’ uniforms and bringing back Banner Day and following in the format of the widely-adopted #IMWITH28 Twitter hashtag campaign, has struck again with the #FIXTHEIKE Twitter hashtag campaign.  While I’m not sure if neutering is the proper medical procedure to improve hitting performance, anything is worth a try at this point.  To do my part, I’ve enlisted the support of a prior recipient of the procedure to help spread the word.

This has also appeared in a post at Mets Police.

The Side Panel: On sibling teams and other anniversaries

Leftovers from a Mets series in Houston 26 years ago

Back in 1986, the Mets celebrated their 25th anniversary.  Yeah, it was really their 25th year, not their 25th anniversary year, but they weren’t the only ones who had trouble figuring out those details.  Their fellow 1962 expansion team in Houston (originally the Colt .45s, now the Astros) also celebrated their 25th anniversary a bit early in 1986.  For the first time since the 1986 NLCS, both teams are celebrating a major anniversary in Houston this week.  They even got the year right this time.

Two days after hosting the 1986 All-Star Game, the Astros opened a four-game series against the Mets at the Astrodome.  This would be my first time seeing the Mets play in person, though I don’t know which game it was.  It could have been the 13-2 blowout against former Met Nolan Ryan or any of the three losses that followed (I’m hoping for the former, not that it matters now).  In the days before we externalized all of our memories with Facebook and Twitter and cell phone cameras, the details of our past are shrouded in faded memories.

Quickly discarded memories of seeing the Mets play from way down the right field line (Ooh, gift shop!) weren’t the only thing I left that game with.  As luck would have it, there was a free 25th anniversary hat given out as a promotional item that day.  I don’t know if this was a one-time giveaway or what, but I left Houston that year up two hats (this and one from the All-Star Roundup, sponsored prominently by Chevrolet).  And for those of you following on Twitter, this is the hat I was looking for when I found that other hat we shall not speak of.

Still looking for whitening tips...

This was quite the classy hat in its day, with the full cloth back and metal rings around the holes.  It’s a one-size-fits-all plastic snapback, as were most hats back then.  It hasn’t aged particularly well; there’s a lot of discoloration and the foam liner started breaking down about 20 years ago.  It’s clear that these hats weren’t made to last for the team’s next 25 years.

The Side Panel: Visual guide to spotting jersey variants in the wild

As I start accumulating posts, they will inevitably sort themselves out into various categories based on content.  For everything else, there’s The Side Panel, a collection of random rants and ruminations and musings and mutterings on minutiae.

For this first official appearance of The Side Panel (not to be confused with my earlier piece on The Number 18, which is unofficially the first, perhaps the zeroth), I’ll be looking at this feature’s namesake, the often overlooked side panels in modern high-tech jerseys.  If talk about armpits is your thing, um, welcome.  Or not.  Anyway…

Baseball uniforms have come a long way from the heavy flannel uniforms of the sport’s early years.  As competition got tougher with more fans and more revenue, teams looked for every possible advantage the rulebook allowed (and a few it didn’t).  In the days of synthetic material, changing the uniform has provided a way to both improve performance on the field and attract the attention of fans, now more likely to watch on television (either the physical box or the feed streamed over the internet) than in person.  The modern baseball uniform is made as much to appeal to fans as it is to the player who wears it, so the ideal uniform is colorful, stylish, comfortable, and able to handle dirt, sweat, and the occasional fastball.

The big trend in uniforms over the past decade has been the introduction of Cool Base materials.  The Cool Base jersey uses multiple different types of fabric to presumably perform different functions appropriate to the location of the material.  Look, I’m no fashion expert, I’m just guessing here.  It can’t be a coincidence though that the areas most likely to see lots of moisture are made of a different material than the rest of the jersey.  And having panels of different materials makes it easy to mix different colors on a jersey, resulting in the common color patterns that have been seen on countless batting practice and special event uniforms.

Futures Game and All-Star Jersey Variants

When you add in the inclusion of jersey swatches in baseball cards, these side panels, sometimes differently colored, sometimes not, introduce possible variants among the boring sameness that plagues today’s game-used offerings.  These variants were first sighted in quantity in the 2005 All-Star workout jersey swatches featured in 2005 Topps Updates and Highlights (the 2003 All-Star and Futures Game jerseys featured a smaller secondary material section around the sleeves, but pieces of this are hard to come by).  While the main colors of orange for the NL team and blue for the AL team were common, blue NL and white AL jersey swatches were occasionally seen.  These were pieces from the jersey’s side panels and this was the start of a trend that would continue through All-Star, Futures Game, WBC, and regular MLB jerseys in years to come.

So does anyone care about these “rare” variants?  Not really.  I’m pretty sure it’s just me.  Looking at the prices I’ve paid for the variants vs. the normal versions, there’s really no premium based on material type/color (though the same is true for most serial-numbered parallels, so it could just be that the market is generally indifferent towards things that aren’t sufficiently different).  I like some variety in my collection though, so I set out to get as many of these variants as I can find.  And so can you!  Here are some helpful hints to get you started.

Know the Game

Pedro Martinez WBC jersey ariants and Blake Forsythe Team USA jersey variants

Baseball uniforms today come from a variety of sources.  In addition to regular season MLB games, spring training games, the annual All-Star event (with its associated Futures Game), minor league games, the World Baseball Classic, Team USA, and various other random events produce jerseys that could make it into cards.  Identifying the sources is the first step toward finding variants.

Know the Uniforms

2010 Futures Game jersey photos with all three colors visible

The colors of the uniforms themselves will often provide clues about the source of the materials in cards.  Knowing the colors of the uniforms in question will help to determine whether variants are commonly available and will let you know when to stop looking for more.  It can take years to find some of these variants, so knowing what you’re looking for is essential.

Know the Materials

Not all variants are conveniently color-coded.  For the Mets blue Cool Base jerseys (I’m guessing these are batting practice and/or spring training jerseys), the side panels are the same color as the main body of the jersey.  How are you supposed to spot them from the tiny out-of-focus pictures people post on eBay?  The simple way is to look for white or otherwise lighter colored spots in a regular pattern in the jersey swatch.  Mesh side panels have holes in them, so the card’s backing will show through from certain angles.

Know the Products

The most obvious products to search for jersey variants are the annual Topps Update and whatever Bowman product gets Futures Game jerseys.  Other fall releases are also good places to look, primarily Topps Triple Threads.  It is common to find Triple Threads triple jersey cards with two or three of the different color variants from a special event jersey.

One-off products like 2009 Topps Unique and 2009 Topps Ticket to Stardom are also a common landing spot for whatever extra material Topps finds laying around from the last decade or so.  Above are pieces from a Jose Reyes 2002 Futures Game jersey, a David Wright 2004 Futures Game jersey, and a side panel from a Johan Santana 2007 All-Star workout jersey.

Know the Players

Sometimes, interesting pieces can show up in strange places.  When Topps took over distribution of All-Star workout jersey material in 2004 (starting with pieces from the 2003 All-Star event), their All-Star Stitches insert set became the default home for everything All-Star.  Swatches from various 2003 All-Star workout jerseys appeared elsewhere in 2004, but Topps has since managed to corral at least the first use of just about every jersey into what is now the premier game-used insert set in the annual update product.  There are exceptions though, so it pays to know who was at the All-Star event but didn’t make it into All-Star Stitches, as was the case for Paul Lo Duca in 2005.  Instead of showing up where you would expect, his 2005 All-Star workout jersey appeared in 2006 Topps Turkey Red.