Collect the Mets

Seriously, just say no to bad team names

I go to about 10 Binghamton Mets games each year, all on the road. As such, some amount of team merchandise is a must for me in addition to the usual big-league Mets gear. The problem with the Binghamton Mets though is that they have no real identity beyond being a Mets affiliate with a boring dark blue base color. After the New Britain Rock Cats moved to Hartford and changed their name to the Yard Goats, the solution to that problem seemed clear. The team didn’t move, but 2016 would be the last year for the Binghamton Mets.

Some people weren’t too happy with the “Yard Goats” name, but it was actually quite brilliant. It has the requisite animal name while also being an obscure railroad reference, making for easy and interesting mascots and graphics with some sort of tie to the area’s history. The merchandise was a big hit, partly due to the use of the colors from the long-departed Hartford Whalers. Like the Yard Goats and other minor league teams, the Binghamton club had a naming contest and selected six finalists. Would they be odd, quirky, clever, or endearing? Um…

Bullheads. Gobblers. Rocking Horses. Rumble Ponies. Stud Muffins. Timber Jockeys. No, I’m not hurling insults at the team for picking bad names, those are the names selected as finalists. Can you imagine wearing any of those across your chest? All hope is not lost though, we might be able to pull a Boaty McBoatface and sneak in a better name while keeping a nod to the fan choices.

Binghamton Bullheads

This is a reference to the bullhead catfish, which brings in the rivers that are a big part of the area’s geography. I suppose it could work, but it does absolutely nothing for me.

Alternate Name: Binghamton Bull Thistles

It may not be much of an improvement, but it keeps the river theme in a more direct way, as the Chenango River is named for the Oneida word for bull thistle. You still get your animal in there, with a cool flower as a bonus. There’s huge merchandising potential and some interesting new colors to work with.

Binghamton Gobblers

Of course you follow up a name with “head” in it with “Gobblers.” Walk to gutter, insert mind. Apparently there are a bunch of high school teams named the Gobblers, and that’s where this name should stay. The name is supposed to be a reference to hunting and outdoorsmen, but it clearly misses the mark.

Alternate Name: Binghamton Bowhunters

No animal here, but you get alliteration, which means you could use an interlocking “BB” logo. The hunting connection is clearer here and gives you plenty of specialty terminology to play with. The obligatory race could have an arrow and a turkey, with hilarious outcomes. And nobody has to worry about being accused of gobbling anything.

Binghamton Rocking Horses

Binghamton is the “Carousel Capital of the World,” so that obviously evokes images of, um, rocking horses? Aside from the horse bit (no pun intended), I don’t see the connection. With the Rock Cats gone, there’s an opening in the musical animal market that this name could fill with a horse mascot in a leather jacket with an electric guitar. But “Rocking Horses?” Pass.

Alternate Name: Binghamton Horse Rockers

Does it make much sense? Nope. Does it matter? Nope. You get the same mascot with a slightly less terrible name and an opportunity for puns (Hoarse Rockers). It’s not my favorite, but it has potential and could be fun in the right hands.

Binghamton Rumble Ponies

It’s carousel horses from here on out. I guess Binghamton has nothing else going for it… But I don’t see how you get anything but “The Outsiders” when you combine “pony” and “rumble.” I guess you could dress everyone as greasers or something?

Alternate Name: Binghamton <something> Jumpers

I got nothing. Ponies won’t work, but “jumper” is a carousel term that wouldn’t be out of place on a baseball field. “Canal Jumpers” could tie in the area’s history, but it looks like that name is taken by some sort of old time base ball reenactors.

Binghamton Stud Muffins

Um, horse, stud… What the hell? Come on, at least try to make up a spiky local pastry that this is really referring to. Unless the team name will be printed on the players’ butts, this just won’t work.

Alternate Name: Binghamton Triplets

This would work better as a Twins affiliate. Or the Yankees, as the Binghamton Triplets were before the Binghamton Mets moved in. This has history and the “Triple Cities” name going for it, but not much else. It’s still better than “Stud Muffins.”

Binghamton Timber Jockeys

Supposedly a term for carousel horse riders (Google comes up with nothing except references to this naming contest), this just sounds wrong. At best, it sounds a bit like “riding the pine,” which is not exactly the sort of thing a baseball player wants to be associated with. “Hey Timber Jockey, better check your ass for splinters!” Yeah, this won’t work.

Alternate Name: Binghamton Brass Rings

You get a carousel term and, well, not much else. But I’d rather reach for the brass ring than be a timber jockey.